My First Bass Guitar Lesson

I'm a dreamer, planner, chartmaker, listlover and believe that maps are mappolicious! It's the follow-through part that I get hung up on. I'm woman enough to admit it and have worked on this quirky personality trait for years.

Fifteen years ago, I finally emerged from the happy haze of denial and looked at all the unfinished business in my life.

The years of college with no degree. I'd learn something and want to move on.
The umpteen jobs and no 401k. I'd learn something and want to move on.
The lovers without relationships. Committment...
The engagements without marriages. Committment...
The dreams of running a successful business. I might possibly do it...
The plans of successful projects. It just might work...
The many possibilities that I charted. What if I charted the wrong path...
The to-do lists. If I kept writing them, I'd never be finished...
The maps to far away places where I'd finally be happy. Happy...

My life has been plagued with insecurity and instability. As a child, my family moved so often that sometimes I changed schools more than every year! It's a wonder I can commit to a complete thought!

In December, 1997, I took my first step toward stability and follow through by marrying my husband, Rich. We are still married-thank God-and I'm still "following through."

Another step was taken in 2003, when I entered nursing school-and graduated!! AND took my NCLEX, AND have my license! It is now, 2010 and I'm still a nurse, still working and still "following through."

During this time, I've been utterly terrified of failing and fulfilling my mothers immortal words, "You'll never get anywhere on your looks and you'll never be any more than a waitress!" The responsibility of making a plan, carrying it out and finishing it was overwhelming. I could dream about it, but, to actually do it-well, I knew I would never be able.

Then I began the Royal Dayspa ministry. This is where I go to an event or home and set up a luxurious day spa and offer massages, facials, mani and pedi spas. I just go to pamper, love and help ladies heal. The main coference I attend is the Help Me Heal conferences headed up by Lynda Doty.

Last year, while praying, the Lord spoke to my heart a book entitled "Married With(out) Spouses". It was as if the outline for the book was downloaded into my mind. Weird, I know-but, true! I fought the Lord for a year until finally, I sat down during NaNoWriMo and wrote the book! I got it edited, did the rewrites and got it published!

Now, today was my first bass guitar lesson and I could not have asked for a better teacher! His name is Dana and he's going to teach me songs and playing, not music! So, I don't have to waste alot of time trying to figure out every note on a bass clef scale! JOY!!

The point is, I've been wanting to take guitar lessons for years and have finally committed to them and will be practicing "follow-through!"

Blessing in the Mistaking

When I became pregnant with my children, I didn't look at the pee stick and say, "You know, I think I will bear children, ruin their lives and send myself into the throes of regret and despair for all of eternity..."

Being a woman automatically lends me to intermitten feelings of guilt. Being a mother placed me in a seat on the train going to Guiltsville Central. Menopause gave me an automatic upgrade from coach to first class, with a view.

I've made some mistakes in my life as a woman and mother. I was a very young single mother of four very young children. My husband at the time had a thing about keeping me pregnant while keeping the rest of the women of our area NOT pregnant.

Now, he is a pastor of a "church" all his own with a new wife and a brand new family, along with my two middle sons who worship the ground he walks on. Strange how life can throw and emotional curve ball that strikes you out every time.

Anyhoo, mistakes. Right. Onward.

As a single mom, I worked, worked and worked. I rarely saw my children and my oldest was the live in babysitter. I kept our heads above water, but, not without sacrificing the integrity of the fabric of my little family.

By the time my second child, a boy was 10 years old, he began to get violent and oppositional. I didn't know what to do, so I found my non-existent ex husband and told him that our son was headed for trouble and he needed to step up to plate.

Oh, the ex did and when he'd get sick of our son, he'd send him back. And, the terrible cycle began for my poor boy.

My second son, oh man...what a piece of work he's turned out to be. Talk about twisting the knife at every chance. I screwed up with him, too. I just did not know how to handle the outbursts and defiance. I was so busy, frustrated and exhausted. When he was 15 years old, he moved up with his dad. I've never seen him since then, but the boy makes sure to let me know he's lurking around and hates me.

During this time, I became a Christian and my life changed! All for the better, except the damage with my two sons was done. I wish I had served the Lord when they were children. I know it would have made a difference in the type of mother I would have been. For one thing, I'd never would have worked so much. I would have taken advantage of state help that was available and I would have forced my ex husband to pay child support.

Live and learn. I'm thankful for my oldest and youngest. I allowed Jesus into my life just in time to repent, restore and establish a new and healthy relationship with them-all by the grace of God. I can only pray and have faith for a healing in the other two.

The pain is unbearable sometimes. I'm guilt ridden and ashamed, but, in it all, I know the Lord is able to turn all my mistakes into blessings on my sons. The Bible declares it in Genesis 50:20a

"But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good,"

and in Nehemiah 13:1-2

"On that day they read in the book of Moses in the audience of the people; and therein was found written, that the Ammonite and the Moabite should not come into the congregation of God for ever; Because they met not the children of Israel with bread and with water, but hired Balaam against them, that he should curse them: howbeit our God turned the curse into a blessing."

I have to trust the Lord to heal my sons and bless their lives as they walk this path without me. I take full responsibility for the mistakes I've made, I have asked them to forgive me on several occasions-to no avail and I continue to pray for them.

Until then, I will trust the Word that never changes and is established forever when it says my mistakes will be made blessings.

Opposite Personalities & Personal Commonalities

My husband and I are complete opposites:

I am a vegetarian. He is a carnivore.
I am an artist. He is a mechanic.
I am a planner. He is a doer.
I am passionate. He is apathetic.
I am nomadic. He is immoveable.
I like smooth jazz. He likes hard rock.
I am an "on fire" Christian. He has no great conviction one way or another.

Even though Rich and I are opposites, we do not oppose one another. When we got married, we opened the coloring book of life, chose different colored crayons and started on page one. Rich colored inside all the lines, while I took care of the outside of the box. At first, it was frustrating, because we did not understand how the other could miss such a vital part of the picture.

There were times when Rich would get so frustrated with my wonderlust with color that he wanted to strangle me. Rich's slow, methodical and agonizing regard for detail almost put me in the loony bin. In moments of utter exasperation, Rich and I wanted to throw our crayons down and get our own coloring book. But, we honored our promise finish the book and kept coloring with dogged determination. Finally, we completed the first, most difficult page-with no casualties.

During those first few pages, Rich and I took turns stepping away from the book and take a good long look at it. We would ponder the next color or let the other have their way and color around it when we came back to it. Each page got easier and we fell into a natural rhythm that got the job done with peaceful precision.

We refused to oppose one another and our opposite personalities began to reveal our commonalities. This has been proven true through our common love of nature, outdoors and watching things grow. My strengths in planning and the ability to see the "big picture" combined with Rich's uncanny mechanical genius was the catalyst to developing our property into the urban "Mother Nurture Homestead".

Rich and I are two peas in a pod when it comes to gardening and working on our microfarm. Put us in the dirt on a sunny day and you've got two of the happiest people this side of heaven!

Our appreciation and respect for each others opposite personalities has revealed our personal commonalities!

Die, Sugar, DIE!

Diets have never worked for me. The deprivation of all things yummy, isolation of a particular "type" of food and the constant guilt and shame of failure were not a happy mix for me. My brain would not wrap itself around the logistics of low-fat, low-carb, no fruit, no vegetables, no meat, no bread, no rice, no bacon, no biscuits and come up with something worth doing.

I'm a conscientious health nut with a wicked junk food twist.

But, this weekend I decided to take the plunge. Now, I'm on a mission to change how I experience food. From shopping to preparation to eating. Changing my eating lifestyle is the single most difficult thing I've had to face!

Flesh. UGH.

I'm beginning with sugar/sweeteners. Here is a brief list of the many faces of sugar: (I'm sure you can add more!)
Brown sugar
Corn syrup
Demerara Sugar
Dextrose
Free Flowing Brown Sugars
Fructose
Galactose
Glucose
High Fructose
Corn Syrup
Honey
Invert Sugar
Lactose
Malt
Maltodextrin
Maltose
Maple syrup
Molasses
Muscovado or Barbados Sugar
Panocha
Powdered or confectioner's sugar
Rice Syrup
Sucrose
Sugar (granulated)
Treacle
Turbinado sugar

As I swallow the last bite of my final yummy, sugar-filled brownie, I'll share an article with hints for breaking the sugar habit:

http://www.floridajewishnews.com/site/a/Break_the_Sugar_Habit/

Happy Birthday to ME!

I'm legal. Today, I turned 21 years old in the Lord! I'm so thankful for Truth and the Lords patience with lost, stubborn and hungry souls!

In 1981, I repented of my sins and accepted Christ as my personal savior . It was a powerful experience, as I was coming out of a lifestyle steeped in the occult, drugs and all kinds of crud. However, I thank GOD ALMIGHTY that it didn't work for me!

I looked around at these other Christian-type people, and thought, "What is wrong with them? How do they live this way?" I was saved, and I could still smoke weed! Right ON!

In 1983, Laura and Mary Ingalls showed up at my doorstep. These two women were decked in the 80's hair and Gunney Sack dresses. I almost laughed. Anyhoo, they were at my place to see my roommate. Of course, they had to sit in my living room and testify of the goodness of God.

They asked me if I was saved. I said, "Um, yeah."
Then, they said, "Have you recieved the Holy Ghost?"
Blank look. "Sure. Yeah. When I accepted Christ."

I don't remember the rest of the visit. I was fuming. These women were part of some cult. Worse than Jehovah Witnesses. UGH.

Later in that year, my future first husband DRUG me to this church he started going to. Not only did I have to go with him, but, he made me sit in the second row. Right in front of the preacher.

"Did everone bring their Bibles?" (followed by "amens")
"You better bring your Bible to Church! Or, you're just foolish!" (he had my attention)
"Don't believe me! You gotta READ it for yourself! If you don't bring your Bible and read it for yourself, I could tell you anything!"

I was impressed until he started talking about men, women and relationships. I couldn't believe the archaeic audacity of this preacher! Male cheuvenist pig! But, the Word is the Word.

Regardless of the crazy people.I read the book of Acts about 5 times. Oh, boy. I got madder and madder with each reading, but, I couldn't escape the words in black and white.

"...baptized...Jesus' name..."

In May of 1984, I was baptized in Jesus name-as a declaration of my faith in Christ-NOT because I thought I HAD TO! (riiiiggghhhht...) When I came up out of the water, I was as light as a feather! It was amazing!

It didn't last long, though. My now husband wanted me to change into the women at the church. But, I couldn't wrap my brain around them. I didn't "get" the whole Holy Ghost concept, and, to be honest-I didn't think I wanted to get it.

Abuse, beatings, leaving. I ended up back in Ohio.

In 1987, I was bartending in a local bar. Great fun, great money, free alcohol and a drug budget. What more could a girl want?

I'm glad you ask...

One night, the end of May, I worked a double shift at the bar. I came home 2-3 sheets to the wind, but, wound up from work. I went to bed and decided to read for a while. That always helped me unwind.

I kept a pile of books next to my bed, all in various stages of readage. I reached down, rummaged, pulled one up and thunked it on my pillow in front of me.

Holy Bible.

I didn't think anything of it. I mean, afterall, I was saved. At least that's what I believed before I opened it. When I opened the Bible, it morphed into this verbal, living thing. It told me who I was, everything I'd ever done, all that I was doing now and that I needed the Holy Ghost.

I remembered those women, the church, the preaching and the committment of the people. Whatever they had, I wanted. Even if it was lunacy, it was something they considered worth living for: more than I had at the time.

At the end of my reading, I was stone cold sober, sobbing and repenting. I knew I needed the Holy Ghost and wanted it more than anything. But, how? Where?

The following week, I recieved a phone call from some woman who was from an Apostolic Church. She asked if there was anything she could do for me. Weird.

I asked if she believed in the Holy Ghost. "Yes."
One God, not the Trinity? "Yes."
"Ok. I need the Holy Ghost."

That was Wednesday, June 3, 1987.

On Friday, June 5, 1987, I closed my shift at the bar. Gathered my stuff and walked out.

Forever.

I went to a small church and met with the pastor and the lady that called me. We discussed my life. I repented and told them I wanted the Holy Ghost. NOW.

Ten minutes later, at 10:10PM, I was on the floor, speaking in tongues-FILLED with the precious Spirit of God!

No one can take that away from me!
Apostolic is NOT a denomination.
It is NOT a Non-denomination.
It is an EXPERIENCE!

Hallelujah!!

Spouses Who "Don't"

Here is a brief list of current and common sexual orientations with definitions:

Heterosexual: Male/Female sexual attraction
Homosexual: Same gender sexual attraction
Bisexual: Sexual attraction for both genders

Asexual: Someone who does not experience sexual attraction, regardless of gender.
This group can be hetero-, homo-, or bi-sexual.

A friend of mine (who is a lesbian) came to my office very upset and frustrated. She began telling me about her partnership with an asexual. The pain of the relationship had become intolerable. She said, "My partner refuses to understand my needs for physical intimacy. She can't understand why I get so angry and frustrated!" The relationship ended. Badly.

I have another friend (who is heterosexual) married to an asexual man. She states, "We were intimate for the first year of marriage. Then, he quit. Nothing, except when he thinks I might be thinking about leaving him. He perks up for a few minutes." She is still in this marriage because she's a Christian and she "knows he isn't cheating on me." It's been almost 10 years since my friend experienced any type marital intimacy. She's tried EVERYTHING and ANYTHING! Her frustration is palpable. She says, "The pain and rejection is so embedded in me, that, if by some miracle he did change: would I care?"

According to AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network), asexuality is a sexual orientation. They further explain, "Asexual people have the same emotional needs as anyone else, and like in the sexual community we vary widely in how we fulfill those needs. Some asexual people are happier on their own, others are happiest with a group of close friends. Other asexual people have a desire to form more intimate romantic relationships, and will date and seek long-term partnerships. Asexual people are just as likely to date sexual people as we are to date each other."

Heterosexuals seek other heterosexuals. Homosexuals seek others of the same orientation. Bisexuals, well, my opinion of them isn't very respectful, so, I'll spare you my loathing of this group. However, asexuals can claim ALL other orientations! "Asexual people who experience attraction will often be attracted to a particular gender, and will identify as gay, bi, or straight." (AVEN)

If they intend to maintain an asexual lifestyle, then, WHY do they seek sexuals?

An asexual who goes into a relationship with a sexual is an abuser.

The selfishness of this group of people blows my mind . Especially, if they call themselves Christian and marry within the Church. This adds a dynamic to the relationship that a non-Christian couple don't typically face. The Christian man or woman has Biblical principles to take into consideration before leaving and divorcing a spouse.

It's very unlikely the asexual will "cheat". They're content without physical intimacy. A chronic history of headaches, tireds and not tonights are worn out excuses for this group of selfish men and women. The "Christian" asexual puts their spouse at risk of adultery, lust and depression. I can see the opportunity for sin swing wide open like a screen door without a spring!

For the sexual Christian, it's doubly difficult to justify leaving an asexual partner. Because, the only real problem is the lack of physical intimacy in the relationship. Christian asexuality is a form of spiritual entrapment from which there is no scriptural escape.

"...for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman..." Romans 1:26-27

12:00:30

30 seconds after the rapture, nothing will matter.

No matter where we find ourselves: Heaven or Earth.

The things that kept us from serving God and following Truth will be meaningless.

"But as the days of Noah were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.

For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking,

marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark,

And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away;

so shall also the coming of the Son of man be."

Matthew 24:37-39

The valleys and mountaintops, trials and tribulations of the faithful will dim into forgetfulness.

"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes;

and there shall be no more death,

neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain:

for the former things are passed away."

Revelation 21:4

Nothing will matter, then.

But it does, NOW!