My First Bass Guitar Lesson

I'm a dreamer, planner, chartmaker, listlover and believe that maps are mappolicious! It's the follow-through part that I get hung up on. I'm woman enough to admit it and have worked on this quirky personality trait for years.

Fifteen years ago, I finally emerged from the happy haze of denial and looked at all the unfinished business in my life.

The years of college with no degree. I'd learn something and want to move on.
The umpteen jobs and no 401k. I'd learn something and want to move on.
The lovers without relationships. Committment...
The engagements without marriages. Committment...
The dreams of running a successful business. I might possibly do it...
The plans of successful projects. It just might work...
The many possibilities that I charted. What if I charted the wrong path...
The to-do lists. If I kept writing them, I'd never be finished...
The maps to far away places where I'd finally be happy. Happy...

My life has been plagued with insecurity and instability. As a child, my family moved so often that sometimes I changed schools more than every year! It's a wonder I can commit to a complete thought!

In December, 1997, I took my first step toward stability and follow through by marrying my husband, Rich. We are still married-thank God-and I'm still "following through."

Another step was taken in 2003, when I entered nursing school-and graduated!! AND took my NCLEX, AND have my license! It is now, 2010 and I'm still a nurse, still working and still "following through."

During this time, I've been utterly terrified of failing and fulfilling my mothers immortal words, "You'll never get anywhere on your looks and you'll never be any more than a waitress!" The responsibility of making a plan, carrying it out and finishing it was overwhelming. I could dream about it, but, to actually do it-well, I knew I would never be able.

Then I began the Royal Dayspa ministry. This is where I go to an event or home and set up a luxurious day spa and offer massages, facials, mani and pedi spas. I just go to pamper, love and help ladies heal. The main coference I attend is the Help Me Heal conferences headed up by Lynda Doty.

Last year, while praying, the Lord spoke to my heart a book entitled "Married With(out) Spouses". It was as if the outline for the book was downloaded into my mind. Weird, I know-but, true! I fought the Lord for a year until finally, I sat down during NaNoWriMo and wrote the book! I got it edited, did the rewrites and got it published!

Now, today was my first bass guitar lesson and I could not have asked for a better teacher! His name is Dana and he's going to teach me songs and playing, not music! So, I don't have to waste alot of time trying to figure out every note on a bass clef scale! JOY!!

The point is, I've been wanting to take guitar lessons for years and have finally committed to them and will be practicing "follow-through!"

Blessing in the Mistaking

When I became pregnant with my children, I didn't look at the pee stick and say, "You know, I think I will bear children, ruin their lives and send myself into the throes of regret and despair for all of eternity..."

Being a woman automatically lends me to intermitten feelings of guilt. Being a mother placed me in a seat on the train going to Guiltsville Central. Menopause gave me an automatic upgrade from coach to first class, with a view.

I've made some mistakes in my life as a woman and mother. I was a very young single mother of four very young children. My husband at the time had a thing about keeping me pregnant while keeping the rest of the women of our area NOT pregnant.

Now, he is a pastor of a "church" all his own with a new wife and a brand new family, along with my two middle sons who worship the ground he walks on. Strange how life can throw and emotional curve ball that strikes you out every time.

Anyhoo, mistakes. Right. Onward.

As a single mom, I worked, worked and worked. I rarely saw my children and my oldest was the live in babysitter. I kept our heads above water, but, not without sacrificing the integrity of the fabric of my little family.

By the time my second child, a boy was 10 years old, he began to get violent and oppositional. I didn't know what to do, so I found my non-existent ex husband and told him that our son was headed for trouble and he needed to step up to plate.

Oh, the ex did and when he'd get sick of our son, he'd send him back. And, the terrible cycle began for my poor boy.

My second son, oh man...what a piece of work he's turned out to be. Talk about twisting the knife at every chance. I screwed up with him, too. I just did not know how to handle the outbursts and defiance. I was so busy, frustrated and exhausted. When he was 15 years old, he moved up with his dad. I've never seen him since then, but the boy makes sure to let me know he's lurking around and hates me.

During this time, I became a Christian and my life changed! All for the better, except the damage with my two sons was done. I wish I had served the Lord when they were children. I know it would have made a difference in the type of mother I would have been. For one thing, I'd never would have worked so much. I would have taken advantage of state help that was available and I would have forced my ex husband to pay child support.

Live and learn. I'm thankful for my oldest and youngest. I allowed Jesus into my life just in time to repent, restore and establish a new and healthy relationship with them-all by the grace of God. I can only pray and have faith for a healing in the other two.

The pain is unbearable sometimes. I'm guilt ridden and ashamed, but, in it all, I know the Lord is able to turn all my mistakes into blessings on my sons. The Bible declares it in Genesis 50:20a

"But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good,"

and in Nehemiah 13:1-2

"On that day they read in the book of Moses in the audience of the people; and therein was found written, that the Ammonite and the Moabite should not come into the congregation of God for ever; Because they met not the children of Israel with bread and with water, but hired Balaam against them, that he should curse them: howbeit our God turned the curse into a blessing."

I have to trust the Lord to heal my sons and bless their lives as they walk this path without me. I take full responsibility for the mistakes I've made, I have asked them to forgive me on several occasions-to no avail and I continue to pray for them.

Until then, I will trust the Word that never changes and is established forever when it says my mistakes will be made blessings.

Opposite Personalities & Personal Commonalities

My husband and I are complete opposites:

I am a vegetarian. He is a carnivore.
I am an artist. He is a mechanic.
I am a planner. He is a doer.
I am passionate. He is apathetic.
I am nomadic. He is immoveable.
I like smooth jazz. He likes hard rock.
I am an "on fire" Christian. He has no great conviction one way or another.

Even though Rich and I are opposites, we do not oppose one another. When we got married, we opened the coloring book of life, chose different colored crayons and started on page one. Rich colored inside all the lines, while I took care of the outside of the box. At first, it was frustrating, because we did not understand how the other could miss such a vital part of the picture.

There were times when Rich would get so frustrated with my wonderlust with color that he wanted to strangle me. Rich's slow, methodical and agonizing regard for detail almost put me in the loony bin. In moments of utter exasperation, Rich and I wanted to throw our crayons down and get our own coloring book. But, we honored our promise finish the book and kept coloring with dogged determination. Finally, we completed the first, most difficult page-with no casualties.

During those first few pages, Rich and I took turns stepping away from the book and take a good long look at it. We would ponder the next color or let the other have their way and color around it when we came back to it. Each page got easier and we fell into a natural rhythm that got the job done with peaceful precision.

We refused to oppose one another and our opposite personalities began to reveal our commonalities. This has been proven true through our common love of nature, outdoors and watching things grow. My strengths in planning and the ability to see the "big picture" combined with Rich's uncanny mechanical genius was the catalyst to developing our property into the urban "Mother Nurture Homestead".

Rich and I are two peas in a pod when it comes to gardening and working on our microfarm. Put us in the dirt on a sunny day and you've got two of the happiest people this side of heaven!

Our appreciation and respect for each others opposite personalities has revealed our personal commonalities!